Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Tiny Mads make Big Pay

Any fool can get himself killed pursuing a wide-eyed and lunatic adventure that pays a thrill a minute and an early grave but it takes a person with some smarts and a bit of drive to pull off an adventure that saves the world and at the same time makes a pile of cold cash. What with the price of gas these days, being a road warrior means one has to make it pay just to fuel the project.

If I were a man who wanted adventure and a patriotic cause to fight for, I'd join the Marines. If I were a man who wanted adventure, a patriotic cause, and a pot full of bucks, I'd consider something different. I'd look at which is the world's biggest worst arsehole nation, and then I'd look to see if they owe a big debt to us. I'd see them clearly, plan to make a whack of cash hurting them, and I'd make sure I didn't piss-off my native government. Tall order, which is why not everyone is doing it all the time.

I'd look for some evil bad-guy nation, and I'd hurt them in a really tiny way. I'd look for the smallest thing I could do to hurt the place. The smaller the thing I could think of the better I'd like it. That's why I have such trouble with Hillary Clinton suggesting she'd annihilate Iran if they were to attack Israel; why I spit at the idea of Barak Obama threatening to invade Pakistan; Tom Tancredo threatening to melt Mecca. Is there a dime of profit in that? Even worse, is it small enough to actually happen? I think these grand schemes are nonsense. I look at the smallest thing possible as the likeliest to happen successfully. But where's the cash at the end of the day? Polish the knob all one likes, either there's a tangible pay-off or it was a nasty waste of effort better forgotten and not repeated.

This guy claims to be the Lord Humungous, the ayatollah of rock and rolla. Love this line:

Humungus: "We do it my way... Fear is our ally... The gasoline will be ours... then you shall have your revenge!"

He didn't, as I recall from watching Mad Max, get around to "Death to the Jooos" and "Allahu Akbar." Nor do I recall Max making any money for all his efforts.

Here's the run-down, as it were, on the movie:

The story is set in Australia in the near future, depicting a poorly-funded police unit called the Main Force Patrol (MFP), which struggles to protect the Outback's few remaining townspeople from violent motorcycle gangs. The film depicts the future Australia as a bleak, dystopian and impoverished society that is facing a breakdown of civil order, the causes of which are not detailed in this film but which Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior explains as being caused by widespread oil shortages....

Filled with a burning, obsessive anger, Max once again dons his leather police outfit and straps on his sawn-off shotgun. Driving the supercharged, black Pursuit Special, he goes out to avenge the death of his family. He hunts down and kills the gang members one by one, including the Toecutter. When Max finds Johnny the Boy, he handcuffs his ankle to a wrecked, overturned vehicle with a ruptured gas tank. Max lights a crude time-delay fuse and gives Johnny a hack saw, leaving him the choice of trying to saw through the handcuffs (10 minutes) or his ankle (five minutes). Over Johnny's hysterics, an embittered Max drives off into the desolate Outback as the fuse he constructed explodes behind him, presumably killing Johnny.

I got a kick out of the movie when I saw in many years ago, but I didn't rush off to Australia to be a vigilante. The work might be fun and interesting and might give one a chance to meet interesting people and, yes, you may kill them; but really, where's the pay-off in a job with a such terrible pension plan? Call me a bourgeois philistine, but I sort of look at the bottom line in cases like this. Otherwise I'll just keep it at the movie theatre.

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