Grand Gesture and Muslim Offence

Muslims murder men, women, and children at random. They are savages who kill people any time, it seems, they feel they've got sufficient cause to feel they can make a "grand gesture" of blood, suffering, and death. Muslims kill their children. They murder them. They kill girls, shoot them, stab them, burn them with acid, sexually mutilate them, rape them, what have you, if they feel they can make this "grand gesture" publicly enough to assure themselves renown in their own sick little worlds. These over-the-top death-obsessed drama queens make a whole life of acting out their public displays of the theatre of the Islamic Absurd. There's nothing real in the life of a Muslim, his life pinched into daily ritual behaviours and tribal coded actions and thoughts, so he's forced to act out some personal phantasy in public to make himself momentarily real; and what more real in the life of a phantasist than to die in a blaze of glory? A heroic grand gesture. These low rent cafe actors of The Religion of Endless Whining produce masters daily of the pose of indignation and false pride.

The Western man, most with some personal accomplishment to claim, doesn't even try to compete. Why should we? How could he? Islam is perfect. So we take in stride the criticisms of ourselves, and some of us try to do better next time rather than kill some innocent bystanders for a moment of public recognition, our picture pasted on a stone wall in a fly-blown village for a week. We can bear criticism, and we criticise ourselves; and below is an interesting take on that criticism we do that is both funny and awesome, especially compared to the result of Islam's views of personal "honor," slights against the child-molester prophet, and their pig god. For the modernist a grand gesture is a benefit to another; but fot the fascist, modern or primitive, it is a spectacle of blood and death. Welcome to the modern world.

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The University of California at Berkley has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium". Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You'll know it when you see it.

by William DeBuvitz

April 1988, appeared in the January 1989 issue of The Physics Teacher. William DeBuvitz is a physics professor at Middlesex County College in Edison, New Jersey (USA). He retired in June of 2000.

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In 1993, I read a dim photocopy of a typescript of Administratium taped to Northeastern Illinois University physics professor, Dr. R. Puri's door. I copied the piece by hand and, frustrated with University redtape and bureaucracy, proceeded to add to it until I came up with Administrontium. I changed the name because I didn't have the original citation and because I could make more jokes with the new name. I also invented Bureaucratritium and its behavior. My satire was written in AP style and originally published in the June 21, 1993 NEIU Independent. Several months later, The Journal of Irreproducible Results published it in their Volume 39, Number 5, September-October 1994 issue. The editor of JIR cleared the publication with his editorial board, none of whom knew who had written the original piece.

Ten years later, I received an email containing a weird hybrid of both pieces. It used the name Administratium but with many of my jokes and - even more curiously - additions by unknown emailers which occur in neither original. My favorite addition is "memos" to the list of bonding particles.

I did an Internet search on the topic and found on Donald Simanek's page "http://www.lhup.edu/~dsimanek/administ.htm" that the first publication of Administratium was in the January 1989 issue of The Physics Teacher. It was written by William DuBuvitz who retired as professor of physics from Middlesex County College in Edison, New Jersey in 2000.

My rather belated thanks to Dr. DuBuvitz for his inspiration. Here are the full texts of both pieces as published.
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Ellin Beltz ebeltz@ebeltz.net

June 21, 1993 NEIU Independent
The Journal of Irreproducible Results, Volume 39, Number 5, September-October 1994 issue.
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Above we posted a graphic of Franz Kafka in "The Castle."

Yes, we can take some criticism, but don't think you can get away with that crap at this site! I'll explode myself on you!

Update: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4387604.stm